Relapse
by MashuraDi
Summary: Nick and Jimmy have been friends for years now. Weeks after Nick's wife and son were killed, old feelings comes back to the surface, regarding Nick. Curiously Nick finds out that Jimmy had feelings for him too. Hiding their now relationship from Jimmy's family, specially Amelia, isn't going to be easy. [Nick/Jimmy]
1. Relapse

**Notes:  
**Based from roleplays with one of my best friends, this is also dedicated to her. My Devil just loves your Angel.  
This is also the first fanfic I dare to submit in english, since my main language is spanish. My buddy here [**_Renezinha_**], helped me a lot by being my beta reader, and fixed a few mistakes. She also helped me with the title. Thank you a lot!

This was also supposed to be a smuty Oneshot, but now I've decided to follow here what I was planning to do in a new story.

In case there's still grammar mistakes and/or typos, I apologize. I'm still learning, and this fanfic also helped me for practice.  
Not much else to say, love these two together :)

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They have been together for a while now, they knew it was wrong, but they didn't care. After being friends for years, their lives changed after forming their own families, not having the time to hang out together as before.

Jimmy was the first in forming one. Having the chance to meet this adorable woman, Amelia. Together they could conceive a little girl, and they decided to name her Claire ten years ago.

Nick on his side, only had the chance to start forming his family two years ago. The name of his wife was Sarah, they married last year, and as well they had the luck to have a baby together. A little boy. And they were happy, till that night when a man came into their home, and killed his wife and son on their beds when Nick wasn't around. Jimmy was with him the day he found them dead, and he sure made sure not to leave his friend alone for the next weeks.

And lots of things happened back then, Nick more than once tried to take his own life, he couldn't bear the loss. If it wasn't because Jimmy was there, he's sure that could have ended differently.

Nick wasn't afraid to admit in his mind that he used to have feelings for his friend years ago, but he never said a thing because he was already dating Amelia, he was happy for him, but just the same, at first he could feel his heart being broken. He managed to keep on living, he was happy obviously to have him as a friend, the best he ever had. And Jimmy, Jimmy just started to feel things when Amelia started to become distant to him, and since he used to spend a lot of time with Nick, it felt just easy. Of course, he never said a thing neither, not only because he was married and had a family to watch over, but also because the time this happened, was the time Nick was with Sarah. At that time Nick was happy with her, and had forgotten the feelings he used to have for Jimmy.

So they continued with their healthy friendship, always sharing a time together on their free day, they used to go out and drink at bars, or just staying at home, eating pizza, drinking beer and watching the game. Sometimes they watched movies too, and if it wasn't on Nick's house, it was on Jimmy's. All was just natural and good, till the day Nick's life changed so dramatically. He used to be a violent man sometimes, not with his family, nor with his friends, but with people. If someone messed with him in the wrong way, Nick was ready to throw a punch and beat anyone's ass, not giving a fuck about anything. He was a strong man, usually came out victorious, but as everything else, there were times he just had to lose.

Thing is, after the murder of his family, he turned into someone more dangerous. Not only for the people around him, but also with himself. He started to drink a lot, more than ever, and sometimes when Jimmy came to see him, he'd found him in this horrible condition. Jimmy would go to him and take the bottles away from his hands. He would also give him the speech, but Nick could barely listen to whatever his friend was saying.

It was just a couple of weeks later after Sarah and the baby's deaths, when Jimmy decided to spend the free day with Nick at his place to see how he was doing. He found him with a gun. They argued, and that ended with a struggle that got them both into the kitchen's floor. Jimmy landed at top of him, and Nick changed positions. Jimmy talked, heartbroken because his friend was dealing with all of these unhealthy feelings, and Nick wanting him to shut his mouth, ended up pressing his lips on him. Seeing all that worry on Novak's eyes made the blonde to revive old feelings. So he kissed him, and when he thought there was no way for his friend to kiss back, Jimmy proved him wrong. The kiss turned into something else, and soon after they were making out in that floor. They did more than just kiss one another.

And now, after a couple of months of hiding their relationship from Jimmy's family, there were times in which Nick needed Jimmy so badly, that he used to try to sweep the thoughts away by drinking alcohol. Thing is, that drinking wasn't the best solution sometimes. Nick would pick up the phone and call him, ask him to come to see him, and even sometimes he threatened the poor guy that he would go to see him in his house if he refused to see him. And this happened before once, twice actually. He would show up in front of his door at times when he shouldn't. The first time was at night, his wife and his daughter were sleeping tight on their beds, and Nick forced Jimmy to go talk to him in his car. That ended with Nick having his way with the man in the back seat. The second time it was during daytime, but to Jimmy's luck, his family wasn't around, things actually happened inside his own house, and Novak was okay with it because somehow he was sure Ameria and Claire wouldn't show up.

Nick was now drunk, holding his half-filled glass in his right hand, and Jimmy hasn't been giving signs of life in the last few days. The man was worried, somehow he thought that maybe Jimmy was starting to get bored of him. Nick felt insecure of himself, and that obviously would lead him to the alcohol. He reached the glass to his lips, and drank the last from its content, he almost threw the empty glass against the floor later. This time he won't even bother to dial Jimmy's number to see what was going on, he just stood up, took his car keys, and headed out. The blonde also didn't bother to lock up the door. He went straight to his car and drove like this to the Novak's family house.

Once there he pulled out his phone, and called Jim. The man didn't answer right away, but he did eventually. He saw Nick's name in the small screen, and just knowing it was him, made him get a bit nervous all of the sudden. He knows he hasn't called him in days, and that wasn't the smartest decision he made in his life. He got up from the bed and went downstairs, to pick up the call in the kitchen. Amelia was already sleeping, just like his daughter.

"Nick... What's wrong?"

"You know what's wrong. I need you to get your ass outside. I'm in front of your house."

"What the Hell, Nick, are you nuts?!" He tried not to yell, but it was hard to succeed on that after knowing his lover was there, waiting for him outside.

"Maybe. Now come on. Don't make me wait too long." Nick hangs up, not even giving a chance for Jimmy to argue or refuse.

Nick knew he would go to him, because Jim knew he was crazy enough to dare to go and show up at his bedroom.

Jimmy hurried up to go outside, closing the door behind him he could see Nick's car wasn't that far, but crossing the street, some meters away from the house. And he was there, leaning against the trunk. The blonde was looking straight at him, and Jim still couldn't wave off the nervousness that he was still feeling, mixed with some adrenaline. His steps take him to where Nick was, and soon he tries to talk.

"You're drunk, aren't you? How many times do I have to ask you not to do this, Nick? Seriously!"

Nick gazes down at him, narrowing his eyes. "You should have called."

"I couldn't, okay? I.."

Nick could feel something was going on, and it only made him feel worse. He reached a hand to Jimmy's shirt, grabbed a fistful of it, and pulled him closer to where he was. Only that Jimmy would face a different position from what he was used, Nick had just pinned him down against the trunk, giving his back to Nick. And he squirmed, clenching his eyes at the sudden move, Jimmy had his face against the cold glass, and he could feel at how his lover was just right behind him, pressing a little his hips against his rear, he also could get that he was aroused.

"Ngh, Nick.. What're you doi-" He tried to say as the blonde bent over to whisper on his ear.

"I need you now, Jimmy." He said, in a low voice.

"What's this now, huh? Now this is your routine? You get drunk and come over to fuck me? People are going to see us, get off me!" Jimmy said, his face had a nice pink flushed color that denounced his embarrassment. He wouldn't admit that this simple move against him, would make his body to betray him, slowly.

Nick shushed him, and pressed his lips on his neck. "Everyone is asleep at this hour." He started saying, and noticed at how Jimmy was responding to his touch, so Nick dares to continue his teasing. His right hand caressed his side, sliding underneath his shirt, touching his skin with his long, cold fingers. Pinching softly one of his nipples. "It's amazing how quickly you can turn me on, Jimmy..."

Jimmy groaned, closing his eyes. He sure cursed under his breath. "We can't... do this here. It's insane, Nick."

"The idea of someone watching us, doesn't turn you on?" Nick's voice was somehow dark, he was used to dirty talking, more when he's drunk. He just finds amusing and entertaining seeing his Angel, because that's how he sees Jimmy, responding to his teasings.

"Of course not!" Jimmy objected, even though he had his face flushing in red, being this shy. "How could something like that turn me on?"

"You sure? Not even if it were your wife?" Nick continued talking, as he presses his body some more against him. He could see Jimmy doing his best not to moan.

"God, how much did you drank?" The question came out almost as a whine, feeling Nick's lips kissing his neck.

"Enough not to give a damn about what surround us." Was the eldest's answer. "It would be a turn on to me, seeing Amelia watching us as I fuck you." Said after, and he was mostly saying this because the man was jealous of that woman. Of course, he liked her and all, but after he started to claim Jimmy as well, Nick saw the woman as his rival. Nick wanted Jimmy all to himself, and he knew he was being selfish. But what can you expect from Jimmy's personal Devil?

"That's the alcohol talking, Nick..."

"No, it isn't. You told me she doesn't pay you any attention, she doesn't deserve you. You should be with me, I can give you everything."

"Nick, what are you... trying to say?" Jimmy was starting to get it, maybe this is Nick being jealous?

But Nick doesn't answer, at least, not at first. "Get inside."

"W-what?"

"Get inside the car." Nick repeated, and pulled back. He took Jimmy by the wrist, opened the backseat door and pushed him inside. Jimmy finds himself lying back in there, and Nick entering the car after him. The door closes behind him, and he is on top a second after.

Nick reached his hands to Jimmy's face, he kissed his lips with hunger, and the youngest didn't had much choice but to let him have his way with him. Nick forced his way inside his mouth, Jimmy's lips parted open, and he groans feeling his soft tongue caressing his. Exploring its insides, Nick pushes forward. Jimmy's lips soon were swollen and sensitive after the rough kissing, he was panting and his wrists were being restrained against the backseat and tinted window. The heat inside Nick's car would get soon the windows fogged.

"N-Nick, wait..." Jimmy, as always, tried to make him stop. But Nick doesn't seem to stop anytime soon. "What if Amelia wakes up and she... finds us here?" Insisted, as Nick was kissing and nibbling his neck.

"That's not going to happen." Was his answer, and reached his own hands to unbutton Jim's shirt, having soon after, access to his skin. He kisses his chest, releasing Jimmy's wrists. The dark haired man soon guided his hands to Nick's head, his trembling fingers slipping through Nick's blonde sex hair.

"It could. Just... stop. We can do this tomorrow, at your place. Dammit, Nick." Somehow Nick just felt even more teased when Jimmy tells him to stop. Every single time. Because he's sure his lover knew he wasn't the type that just stops, not when he knows that he wanted him as much as he wants Jim.

"Shut your mouth, Jimmy." As soon he says this, the blonde was getting Jimmy's zipper down, revealing his obvious arousal. Nick doesn't waste more time, he needed him now. So he pulls Novak's pants off, then his briefs. Jimmy wrapped his arms around Nick's shoulders as soon he sees him opening his own pants, releasing his own throbbing member. It was painful having a boner under his jeans for so long, he has been hard since he heard Jimmy's voice at the phone, when he asked him to get outside to see him. It it were for Nick, he would be already pushing inside his Angel, but even if he's drunk, still has a little of conscience. So he spits his fingers, and tried to work Jimmy open for him. Jimmy arched his back when he felt his fingers invading his insides, Nick's fingers were now more skilled compared to what they were the first time he tried this on him, he now knows how to work him good, and Jimmy doesn't feels the same pain he once felt. He knows how to relax, even in this situations, because he as well, can't get enough of his Devil.

"Oh, God!" Jimmy whined, his heart beating faster, how in hell he has become so addictive to his touch? Jimmy tried to shut his moans by covering his mouth with one of his hands, but Nick soon took that hand, and pulled it away. Jimmy opens a little his blue eyes just to see at Nick smirking at him.

"No... Don't do that." He said, and returned to kiss his lips. He bites the bottom lip. Jim then feels a second finger, and how the two of them moved faster, he was soon groaning again, moving unconditionally his hips against them as well. Nick bites softly the place between Jim's neck and shoulder. Soon the man under him was ready, and Nick made his way inside. He pushed kind of roughly even when it wasn't his intention, but he was that anxious to feel him.

And he growls, clenching his eyes and teeth, Nick's groan had a mix between pain and pleasure. Jimmy was still too tight, and for a moment he thought he would come in that moment, but he didn't. It would be embarrassing, when he wanted to prove a point here as well. He was the one now giving pleasure to Jim, not Amelia. It was him, and he was one Hell of a lover when he wanted to. His behavior tends to be rough and animalistic when it came about sex, more when he's drunk. With some luck he won't hurt Jimmy that much.

He pressed himself against his body, Jimmy obviously released a husky growl from deep inside his throat when Nick pushed inside, he feels Nick's hands holding his thighs, making him to wrap them around his waist, and soon he began to move, back and forth. Angelic nails digging into the Devil's back. The blonde opens his eyes as he moans because of it, just to look at Jim's. His hitching breath, so teasing, delightful, Nick returned to his mouth.

Both moans and bites each other's lips. Nick frowns, he moves faster, and after a moment he wraps his arms around Jimmy's waist. He pulls him up, Nick sits, Jimmy holds him tight with his arms around his neck. The blonde's hands held Jim by his butt cheeks, and moves him up and down, Jimmy presses his hips against Nick's, his own member getting some sweet friction against Nick's abs. They continue moaning, Nick feeling like wanting to cry because of so much pleasure, he doesn't have words to describe how much he craves for Jimmy when he can not see him.

Jimmy panted out Nick's name a couple of times, only causing the blonde man to get more rough, Jimmy didn't care right now, he was so aroused he isn't aware of the pain this will cause him later. He clenched his teeth, feeling like screaming in an euphoric status, but he only focus to take out that steam by moving faster against Nick. Nick's arms hold him tight, he still has more control over the youngest man, than the youngest over him. His fingers pressing and digging as well over Jimmy's back, one of his hands ran through his dark sex hair, getting it more messed up than it already was, making him look even more hot. The wet skin against his felt just amazing, both sweating, all that steam inside the car when outside was so cold. It feels like Heaven.

That is, until something happens.

Jimmy was reaching his climax, when Amelia came out of the house in a white robe. Nick sees this from inside the car as he continues banging Jimmy. Jim isn't aware just yet that his wife was looking for him, she was apparently worried. After all, she just got awake and found curious not seeing her husband resting next to her in their bed. He wasn't in the house neither, not in his place of work, not in the living room watching TV, neither at the kitchen. So she got outside, and tried to look around the house. She doesn't recognize Nick's car from the distance, but she sure gave it a look for a moment. Amelia sees nothing because of the tinted windows. Nick grins amused and closes his eyes. He hugs Jimmy as if he was his, stronger, Jimmy groans as he still was giving the back to his worried wife. Nick continues moving against him and suck in a heated kiss his neck.

Amelia gets closer. Nick doesn't give a damn.

"Jimmy!" She says, still looking around for him. Nick pushes Jimmy down when he sees the horror in his face. He now is facing the backseat, giving his back to Nick, as his lover slows down his thrusts. But he was still moving, this actually got him even more excited.

"Shh... She won't notice a thing." Was the blonde's whisper, but this doesn't calm Jimmy down.

"Holyshit, Nick, she will see us!" Jimmy's fear was notorious, and if Nick didn't do something, he would continue screaming, so he reached a hand to cover his mouth.

"Told you to shut up." Nick leans down to kiss his back, he continues moving, and Jimmy unconditionally released a groan, closing his eyes. It couldn't be heard so well because Nick was still covering his mouth.

When Amelia walks closer to the place the car was parked, she isn't aware of a thing, and after of just staying outside in vain, she hugged herself in search of some warmth. It was cold, and all of this was just useless.

She returns over her steps slowly.

Nick continues fucking his lover, Jimmy's lost into the new kind of pleasure this caused him. All of these feelings mixed, the thought of almost get caught filled him with adrenaline, and the love-making turned into something more animalistic when Amelia was finally inside the house.

The blonde fucked him hard against the backseat, he lifted Jimmy's hips, fixing him so he can bang him better. And his right hand finds Jim's cock. He jerks him off, squeezing him, giving him some rough strokes. Jimmy's eyes rolled to the back of his head, goddamn that man, he was driving him nuts. He couldn't say or scream a thing because Nick was still with his hand over his lips, but he pulled his hand off the moment he decided to wrap it around Jimmy's waist. His forehead pressed against his nape, and he was groaning hard, both actually. Nick's alcoholic yet warm breath against Jimmy's sweaty skin.

"Ah, dammit!... Nick!" Jimmy's shaky voice came out as a pleading. "You son of a... bitch! How, How da-AH!" He couldn't talk properly, Nick was giving him one Hell of a night inside his car.

"From one to ten, how... How much are you enjoying... this?" Nick dares to ask, panting. Jimmy doesn't answer, he cursed under his breath. Nick chuckles. "Amelia was there... A few meters away and she didn't know I was fucking you here." Nick whispered on his hear, teasing him.

"You... You bastard." Jim says back, he was about to explode.

"You're mine, Jimmy." Nick kissed his neck. "Cum for me..." He said, grunting and panting as he worked on both releases. "Cum for me, baby."

His teasing voice was enough to bring Jimmy over the edge. He came hard, making a mess in Nick's hand. His muscles tensed and that brought Nick over his edge as well. Feeling his walls tighten around him as he buried deep within his lover, a loud growl, a hard thrust, and he was filling him completely. He continued jerking Jim off, as he as well, was giving the last thrusts. Slow, but deep. And when both were done, they collapsed in there. Nick over Jimmy.

They remain like this for a couple of minutes, trying to get back their breath, Nick was clenching his eyes, still, and when he finally could move, he pulled himself back, and leaned against the back seat. He half opened his eyes, and was now looking at Jimmy, trying to sit up as well. Damn, he was a mess. There was no excuse for him now if Amelia finds him like this. Nick, still, can't help himself but to have this stupid smile over his lips.

Jimmy looking at this, gets angry.

"Yeah, you keep laughing... You fucker." Literally. And Jimmy even after all of this, was still blushing.

"I'm sorry, Jim... You know how I get when I'm drunk." Nick tried to apologize. Jimmy charges against him and punches him in the face, Nick was still smiling. Jimmy pressed his forehead in his shoulder later. He was crying.

"Why do you do this to me, Nick?" Nick starts to feel guilty.

"... I'm sorry." Said again. Jimmy stays silent for a moment. "I was... jealous." Ends up confessing. Jimmy looks up at him, Nick's expression changed to one of guilt. Jim confirms it then.

"You know I can't leave my family."

"I know, it's just... " He was a bit pissed with Amelia. "Forget it."

"What's wrong?" Jimmy insists.

Nick doesn't say a thing for a moment, he just looks at his lover and reached a hand to caress his cheek. "... Are you bored of me?" Nick asks finally. Jimmy lifted his eyebrows. He denies, frowns sadly.

"How that's got inside of your head?" Jimmy tries to understand.

"You didn't call. You always call." Takes a deep breath, and closed his eyes. A couple of fingers rub the bridge of his own nose. When he opens his eyes again, it's because of that familiar sensation. Jimmy's lips pressing on his own, he kisses him slow and tender. Nick responds in the same way, closing his eyes.

Both hands reach up to his face, and he intensifies the kiss, Jimmy corresponds, and this time he's the one forcing Nick to open his mouth for him. His Angel swept his tongue inside, running it over its roof. A soft moan escaped the blonde's mouth. "I love you, Jimmy..." He whispered. Jimmy smiles.

"I love you too, jackass."

Nick smiles, still with their lips rubbing softly against each other.

"I couldn't call, Nick. I was dealing with problems at home. Amelia is like... Pushing on me lately. I tried, but I couldn't find the time." Jimmy explained later. Nick looks at him without saying a word. He can understand, he believes in him.

"I'm sorry." Again, he apologizes.

"Shut your mouth now, will you?" The dark haired man gives a peck to his blonde lover, and pulls back. He looks over himself, and sighs. "What the hell are we going to do now?"

Nick narrows his eyes, and smiles again.

"I take you with me back home, there you can call Amelia and tell her I had a relapse." And he shrugged.

"Yeah... For you It's always easy to put the blame on your silly ass." Jimmy rolled his eyes, and agrees anyway. "It has been a while since you had one, we'll see if she buys it."

"It's perfectly understandable!" Nick said almost playfully, Jim hits softly at one of his arms, and the blonde laughs a bit. "Fine fine, I'll take you home, you take a shower, and tomorrow morning you just come back here."

Jimmy nods, and Nick headed to the front seat, behind the wheel. He drives them both to his home. The lovers would spend the rest of the night together, cuddling. They had enough sex for tonight, and Jimmy sure needs a good rest.

Having Nick being like this sure could drain anyone out of energy.


	2. The Angel

**Notes:  
**Well, at the end I was asked to continue this (At first I was planning to start a new fic to continue the story with this two characters, but I'll keep going after the first oneshot.), so I'm going to try to add more FEELS and stuff, by example. I also would like to explore later a bit more about Nick, once after the whole thing with Cass and Jimmy. This probably will take me a couple of chapters more, we'll see.

I'd like to thanks again to my friend [_Renezinha_] for being my beta reader again and help me with my grammar mistakes.

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* * *

"We can't do this here-Nick!" Was the complaint of the dark haired man as he was being pinned inside a dressing room, at some random store, in the mall. Jimmy groaned as soon he felt those cold hands running down his back under his shirt, and making their way down his pants quickly, unbuckling his belt, pulling his trousers down. "Oh, fuck you!"

Jimmy's leg was soon being lifted as the man pushed inside him, forcing Novak to wrap his legs around him soon after, and Nick fucks him against the wall. Jim's moans were a mix of pain and pleasure since Nick didn't have much time to prepare him as he should. Being inside that little room, the time was counted. And even though there wasn't many people around that day, Amelia and Claire were nearby doing some shopping on their own. In fact, it was the girls and Jimmy shopping, but then Nick came out of nowhere and dragged the man with him at one of these rooms.

Nick groaned as he moves against him, banging his lover hard and fast while Jimmy did the best he could not to moan too loud. He also had to cover his mouth most of time, with his arms around the blonde's neck. Feeling himself jumping unconditionally, up and down as the blonde thrusted his hips against him. Nick apparently lost control all over again, and came after him, being drunk. The quick breathing, hitching, Nick was a mess, he let out his little growls against his lover's neck, thrusting against him harder, deeper, and Jimmy finds himself whining and crying as his nails were digging against the man's back, through the shirt.

Though not all the crying was because of the pain, Jimmy has got used by now to deal with the blonde, only that he always would prefer the man to be gentle with him, but It couldn't be helped sometimes. Nick is used to be wild, and even though he has a _Teddy Bear _side with Jimmy, there will be always times in which the eldest man would lose control. And these situations usually would drag fights later, Jimmy telling him that sometimes he really believes that Nick somehow is just using him as a sex-toy, when it wasn't anything like that. Nick really loved the guy, but his urges... His damn urges.

"Dammit..!" Jimmy warned, feeling about to reach his edge, dealing the constant hits against his prostate, and Nick held him tight and worked for both releases. He buried himself deep within as he himself, came inside. The blonde thrusted against Jimmy a few more times after his climax hit him, and kissed his lover's neck. Jimmy had come against their bellies, making a mess, but Nick would take care of that in no time. Still, even if Jimmy found pleasure with this, he didn't approve of Nick's behaviour. "You need to... stop this, Nick." He said, and felt his lover coming to his lips to kiss him deeply.

"Don't get mad at me now, I saw you there next to Amelia... It just triggered something in me." Nick's constant excuses, he should be honest and tell Jimmy he just felt like making love to him because he lacks of a self control most of the times. His hands were still gropping Jimmy's butt, causing the youngest to shiver against him. He could also notice how Jimmy was trying to avoid kissing him now.

"Let go of me... I'm tired of this. I need to go back, Amelia and Claire are probably looking for me already." Jimmy said, and Nick had to release him. And after finally Jimmy looked presentable, he practically ran off from there. Nick would look at him leaving, releasing a sigh. Seeing not so far away at Jim's wife, suddenly approaching him and asking where he was. Nick sure was jealous of that woman, but he knows feeling the way he feels wouldn't change a thing. Jimmy obviously wouldn't leave his family, and that was just the right thing to do... Even when he was cheating on his wife with him.

It was amusing seeing a couple of girls peeking outside the room they were using, to see at Nick heading outside. The girls were blushing madly, they probably heard all of it, and they couldn't just look at Nick with innocent eyes. He turned to look behind him, and these girls hid from him in a second. Nick probably shouldn't have smirked at that, but at least he kept going.

That night Nick called Jimmy, and they argued about what had happened. Nick as always, tried to apologize, but this time Jimmy wasn't willing to forgive him. Or at least, he would make him believe that, and _punish _him. So he told him their relationship was over, and that got Nick speechless. His apparent former lover then hung up on him, and Nick finds himself really quiet, so quiet, he remained with the phone against his ear for a while.

Jimmy deep inside hopes this will open Nick's eyes, because even when the guy was an animal sometimes, Jimmy still loved him. He didn't want to lose him, so that fear didn't hit only Nick after Jimmy's reproach, but it would also hit Jim as well. Nick tried to call him the next night, but Jimmy fought back the urge to pick up his call. Amelia was asleep in that moment, and Novak just felt like wanting to cry, not only for his situation with Nick, but for a lot of things actually. He obviously felt bad sometimes for cheating on her, but just like Nick, he cannot help to feel the way he does. Amelia somehow stopped to care about her relationship with him, and that was when he started to see Nick with other eyes, seeing the blonde as...much more than just his best friend.

Nick on his side, he obviously wasn't going to give up on Jimmy just like that, and if he didn't pick up his calls, then he would have to go and pay him a visit. Jimmy should have known that, and probably he did, because when he opened the door of his house a few days later and saw Nick in there, he didn't seem that surprised. Thankfully, Amelia wasn't at home, and Claire was at school.

"What do you want?"

"We need to talk."

"There is nothing to talk about." Jimmy's playing hard to get, of course. He also dares to cross his arms, looking somewhere else.

"... Jimmy." Nick's facial expression looked as if he was begging. "Please."

And Jimmy probably should learn how to play hard-to-get, better.

The blonde entered the house since Jimmy allowed it, and closed the door once Nick was inside. Somehow, Jimmy thought Nick would take him by surprise and kiss him all of the sudden, but no, Nick was there, quiet, and just looking at him. Well... That was new.

"Be quick, Nick, I have work to do." Nick could get that Jimmy insisted to play the same game he was trying moments ago, so he tried not to smile amused.

"I'm sorry, Jimmy." He said, but Jimmy crossed his arms again, and didn't say a thing. Not yet, at least. "Wanna hit me? Go ahead, but I can't just promise things I don't know if I will accomplish." Nick approached him, and Jimmy's senses were suddenly alert. But Nick just steps closer. "I love you, and I need you... And sometimes having to need you so much makes me do crazy things. Not even caring what could be surrounding us."

"But you are doing it wrong, Nick. You can't just get drunk and come after me to get me as you want. Amelia and Claire were there, and you just... You just dragged me into that room." Jimmy felt a little nervous just by having to remember that. "I thought someone would see us, what if Amelia was that one? What if it was Claire? God! No!"

"Don't leave my side. I know I can go nuts if you do that." Nick should have said something about his bad behaviour, but instead, he continued with his begging for Jimmy not to leave him behind.

"No. This time, I can't accept that."

"Jim..."

"Nick..." He said his name because Nick was again approaching him, and this time was to get really close to him. Jimmy tried to push him away, but the blonde didn't let him. "What now, huh? Will you try to have your way with me again?" Jimmy said, and Nick shut him up by pressing his lips upon his. Jimmy practically didn't fight back much.

"How many times do I've to say I'm sorry?" Nick said between the kiss, Jimmy releasing a soft moan. "I know you love me, even with my defects..."

"That doesn't give you the right to use me as you do."

"I'm not using you, Jimmy, c'mon!" Nick was slowly getting pissed, even when he knows Jimmy had the right to get angry for the way he treats him sometimes, but "I swear it is not my intention. Even if there wasn't the alcohol in the middle, you know I can be a perv... It's part of who I am." And he kissed him again. "I like the idea to have you in so many scenarios... And I'm sorry for that."

"You're crazy, Nick..." Funny thing was that Jimmy as well, was slowly turning himself into a pervert. He has done things to Nick, things he probably never imagined he would do in a future. And right now, he couldn't help himself but to like this game. Right now, in his house. Nick came for him, when he feared he might not. But he did, he came for him, and that makes him glad deep inside, even if he wouldn't accept it now.

And he wrapped his arms around his lover, and returned the kiss with the same passion. Nick felt numb as he pinned him against the wall, and once again, had his way with him. It wasn't the first time they make love in that carpet.

Forgiving, and _'punishing' _Nick for his crazy behaviour, somehow has become part of Jimmy's routine. He just couldn't help it but to love that man, so he forgave him, one more time.

Things would start getting tense when, weeks after that, Jimmy gave a call to Nick and told him about something really strange that had just happen to him.

"Wait, what do you mean you heard a strange voice?" Nick's voice could be heard from the side of Jimmy. He sure wasn't getting it.

"Yeah, it scared the shit out of me. At first I thought it was a dream."

"Well, don't worry much about it, probably it was just a coincidence and you were indeed dreaming." Nick was cooking something in the kitchen at that moment, and left the knife in the table only to pay Jimmy more attention.

"It was so strange, Nick... I'm not sure about that."

"Keep it together, man, don't think much about it." He said, and sighed. "Hey... Uhm, I was thinking that maybe tomorrow after work, you and I..."

"What?" A playful smile came to the youngest man's lips. "Missing me already?" Was that Jimmy teasing his lover? Yes. Totally, and Nick knew it.

"Always." Was his answer, smirking even though Jim couldn't see him, but Jimmy somehow, just knew anyway. "So as we tend to do, we met up in Carl's trailer, and order those greasy burgers you love so much." Nick had to chuckle at that. "I swear, I can't even understand how you don't get fat!"

"Oh, shut up!" Jimmy was laughing now. "Those burgers are a temptation, I can't help it."

"Yeah, yeah, sure." Another soft laugh, and Nick was releasing a breath. "So, tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

"Same hour?"

"Same hour."

"... Love you."

And Jimmy blushed at the other side of the phone, he smiled, narrowing his eyes. "Love you, too. Bye-bye."

Nick hangs up, and the stupid smile on his face now couldn't be taken away. He finished what he was doing, had a shower, and headed to bed soon after that.

The day after Nick went to work, working at the Hospital could be tiring, but he liked helping people, and usually patients were nice to him, just as much as he was with them. Just one more hour, and he would be heading home. He just wanted to get out and meet up with Jimmy.

Jimmy working in a Religious Radio Station. Usually people called and shared their experiences, some women just liked to share recipes, and as one of them for example, liked to talk about her cat. Jimmy used to have fun in there, and sometimes Nick would also be part of the listeners as he was working, and whenever he had free time around the Hospital. So when it was time to go, Jim went straight to Carl's trailer. He would find Nick in there, already waiting for him.

Of course that they couldn't just go and greet themselves with a kiss, it was supposed their relationship was a secret. The couple approached each other and greeted one another as they are used in front of people, like BFFs. Carl was already preparing their burgers, and even when Nick told him to prepare them not so greasy, Carl wouldn't give a damn. His burgers were law, Jimmy's another Religion, and he would prepare them as he always did. Greasy, big, complete and tasty. Jimmy couldn't be more happy when Carl was handing him his. Nick had to shake his head in denial amused at Carl, and then at his lover.

Taking one of the beers he also asked for, he sips from the bottle and talked to Jimmy about work and stuff. Jimmy told him the usual, nothing interesting that day, and Carl intervened to say that his wife had been listening to the radio and Jimmy's Religious program. Carl wasn't used to laugh or talk much, but when he did, he talked about a few things. Even about his children, his dog and canary. Jimmy always enjoyed talking to him anyway, and Nick, well... It was the same to him actually. Carl was nice.

Burgers safe on their stomachs, Nick guided Jimmy to his house, it was usual for Jimmy to walk Nick to the front door since it was on their way back, but as well, Nick is used to ask him to stay.

"Will you come in?"

"Hmm... I'm not sure, Nick, I've stuff to do at home."

"Really?" Nick teased with a smirk as he opened the door and gazed back at him. He could see Jimmy smiling, and so the blonde took his hand to drag him inside the house. "Just for a moment."

"You're impossible."

Door being closed, Nick didn't waste time to lean over and kiss Jim's lips, his hands reached for his face, and he kissed him deeply. A soft moan came out of his lover's mouth, Jimmy was kissing back in the same way as his hands slid to Nick's sides, his fingers clenching on his clothes. Nick could perfectly take the chance now to make his move and try something with Jimmy, but he as well, at least most of the times, tries to make an effort to fight his urges back. So even if he feels teased for a kiss, he had to keep it together, and pull back. His breathing was a bit hasty, his lips still close to Jimmy's.

"Maybe we could, huh... Watch a movie or something?" He suggested.

"Maybe I don't want to watch a movie right now..." Was the younger man's answer, and pushed his luck by pressing his lips against Nick's this time.

Nick didn't think, he tried not to. He just knows that Jim wanted to keep going, and who was he to say _No_? Still, even if he wanted to set the pace, it was Jimmy who apparently took charge by choosing the position. He pushed him against the couch, making him stumble and sitting down, and Jimmy soon joined him by sitting on his lap. He followed the kiss, and then Nick was leaning back in that couch, with Jim on top. Jimmy would tease his lover _good_, and even when Nick wasn't going to proclaim that body as his this time, Jimmy made him see the stars by the friction he caused between their lower anatomies.

They had a good time, and Jimmy returned home after that. Nick would dare to call him the next day after work, and they would chat about a few things. The blonde wouldn't waste an opportunity to tease his lover, even if whatever they were talking about was nothing weird, he could change some words to make it sound dirty. And probably Jimmy blushed on the other side of the line, as Nick smirked.

But things began to get even weirder when Jimmy started to express himself a bit more about _God _and the _Angels_, to him. Nick being one who just stopped from believing in God months ago, after his family was murdered without mercy on their beds, he just doesn't approve, nor does he like to hear, about that stuff. And yeah, sure, he might listen to the radio sometimes in the station Jimmy works, but that didn't mean he _listens _to the things he says about God. He likes to hear him, his voice, and the funny things he might add when people called. And that's all.

Now Jimmy has been trying to talk to Nick about the fact that there was an Angel trying to communicate with him, and that just got the blonde a bit troubled, more when at one of those nights he was at his home, preparing some food for Jimmy and him, and returning to the kitchen after having to go to the bathroom, he found Jimmy with his hand over the fire.

"What the Hell are you doing, Jimmy?!" He sure freaked out and ran to him to pull him away. Jimmy soon started to laugh.

"It's ok, it's fine... I'm alright. Look." The man said, showing to Nick his hand. It was just fine, there was no damage, no blood, no burn, no nothing. Nick was somehow, mindfucked. "He asked me to do it."

"Who asked you? What are you talking about?! This is not funny anymore, Jim, really!" The man was a bit angry now, he also frowned, not realizing he was still gripping Jimmy's arm tightly.

"You're hurting me, Nick..." He said, narrowing his eyes, now a bit concerned about Nick's reaction. "Castiel... The Angel."

Nick softened the grip he had on Jimmy, but didn't let go. And after hearing Jimmy saying that again about the goddamn freaking Angel, Nick couldn't help but to frown and harden again the grip on his arm. "Fuck that freaking Angel, I'm getting pissed to hear you talking over and over again about him!" He shouts. Nick had to approach the burner and turned it off before Jimmy dared to go and put the goddamn hand over the fire again. Who knows, right?

"What's gotten into you? Calm down, he didn't hurt me! I needed to prove my faith to him, that was all." Jimmy tried to defend himself, his point, his reason for why he did what he has just done, as he sees Nick still stubborn in not wanting to let go of him.

"Faith? What faith? You're being delusional! I don't know how, but you are surely imagining things. You need to stop, you should also come with me to see a doctor. " At this moment, he could see and feel, at Jim trying to break free of his grip, and Nick had to let go for once. Still, his gaze, his icy blue eyes were set on Jimmy's.

"I'm not crazy! I still have my faith, is not my fault you lost yours after losing your family, Nick!" And then it just hit him, he probably shouldn't have said that. He knows why Nick was like this now, he can understand why Nick couldn't believe no more, and he should have never talked about the fact he now was having the grace, maybe?To be chosen by an Angel, for a purpose he still wasn't sure what it was about just yet. "I'm sorry... I better go."

Nick seemed a little affected, but anger was what it could be seen the most coming out from those eyes of his. He sees Jimmy walking away, and he didn't stop him. If what they just had was another fight, Nick obviously wasn't going to be happy now, so he probably would go to his room and lay down to take a break about everything.

The blonde wouldn't be the only one having fights with Jimmy now, because the same Amelia apparently had some of these discussions with her husband. Jimmy has been testing his faith by doing weird stuff, and Amelia started to believe he had lost his mind. Even when she was a believer in God and his Angels, she just couldn't believe what Jimmy was trying to explain to her. And again, days passed by. Jim didn't call Nick, though he gazed to the phone a few times, thinking about it, but decided not to.

It was late, and he had to work extra hours. Nick was tired, but didn't want to go back home just yet. In fact, he was having the impulses of going straight to his lover's house and talk about a few things with him, but in the middle of the walk, he decided it was better not to do that. His instinct maybe telling him that it could end up pretty bad, Nick having an explosive attitude sometimes, he knows he was mad, and pissed, but he can't just force Jimmy to think as he does. Maybe he should go and apologize for what happened the last time they spent a few hours together? Maybe... Maybe not.

His steps took him to the nearest bar. The bartender already knew him, and seeing his long face, he soon approached him, and served him a scotch. Nick stared at him, and a little nod alongside a faint smile, was what he expressed to the man.

"Should I ask why the long face, Nick?"

"Huh... I don't know, man. I don't know about anything anymore..." He took his drink, and drank all of it at once. "Hand me the bottle, please."

"Well... Your funeral." He should probably say no to that, but he knew Nick for a while now, and also knows he drinks this way when something really bothers him. Ben, as the bartender was called, still believes that Nick drinks trying to forget about the deaths of Sarah and his son, he isn't aware of the new things around him, nor about Jimmy. So he left the bottle beside him, and patted his shoulder. "Try not to drink too much anyway, buddy... Life can kick your butt hard sometimes, but the sun always come out later."

Nick half smirked at that, closing his eyes. "... We'll see." He said, watching the man walking away to attend other people at the bar. The blonde drank, and drank, until the moment he felt all around him was spinning. Ben asked him if he wanted him to call a cab to take him home or something, but Nick refused, and smiled a bit. "I'm good." And that's when his cellphone rang inside of his pocket. It was Jimmy.

"Yes?" Was what Nick said once he picked up the call. Jimmy could tell he was drunk by the sound of his voice.

"Nick?"

"What?"

"You're drunk, aren't you?"

"Would it matter?"

"Actually, yes. You know that I don't like you to get drunk."

"And I don't like hearing you talking all the time about crazy stuff."

"Nick... " He didn't know how to talk to him, it's never good talking with a drunk anyway, they rarely listen, and even if they do, they can be kind of... a blabbermouth, not having a filter. "Where are you now? I'll go to pick you up."

"I don't need you for that, what are you now? My mom?" Nick laughed.

"Nick..."

"You picked the wrong time to give me a call, Jimmy... Days without knowing about you."

"I've been-"

"What? Talking to Angels? Yeah... I bet."

"You don't understand, this is important."

"I don't care, and I don't want to talk about it. Less having to listen to you talking about it." And without saying much more, the blonde hung up on him. Jimmy felt himself speechless. And he knew that probably was a bad time to go and check on him now, but he was worried. So he took his car keys, and went to see Nick at his house.

In Nick's mind, he was now thinking about a lot of possibilities of what was going to happen next, regarding Jimmy and him. One of them was that probably Jimmy would forget about him or something, since he was again paying too much attention to his religion. Talking so much about God and Angels couldn't be good for him, what if he decides to leave him behind and return with his family because that was the right thing to do? He was cheating on his wife after all. Nick just couldn't bear this. And being drunk, it was obvious that his thoughts would be for the most part, destructive.

So he walks way back home, he was used how to walk in this state, for that reason he didn't end with his head inside a trash container as soon he walked outside that bar. It would take him more than he thought to reach home, and when he did, he noticed there was a car parked in front of his house. He wasn't thinking much, but he could swear the car looked a lot like the one Jimmy had. Not giving much importance to this, he enters the house by the front door, his mind was somewhere else because he didn't realize the main door was already open. Jimmy had a copy of his keys, but that was something the blonde just couldn't remember right now.

Nick goes straight to the bathroom, and went to his knees to be in front of the toilet. He throws up, and whines a little soon after that. Pressing his forehead against the cold tiles, he felt like crying. Closing his eyes, he began to blame himself, and cursed under his breath. Moments after he was finally daring to stand on his feet, and washed his face on the sink. Took also the chance to wash his teeth, and drink some water straight from the tap. He ran his fingers along his hair, also getting it a bit wet, but he obviously didn't care.

Turning the light off in the bathroom, he walked to the kitchen, where he would find someone familiar, waiting for him in there. It was obviously Jimmy, and he was frowning, with his arms being crossed over his chest. Nick at first didn't react that much, but he narrowed his eyes, and ran a hand over his hair, getting it messier than it already was.

"What are you doing here?"


	3. I'm Sorry

**Notes:**  
Alright, finally managed to end the 3rd chapter, just one more, and this will be over~  
Thanks again to my bunk buddy [_Renezinha_] for reading the chapter before, and fix mistakes in my grammar.

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

* * *

"Isn't that question a little bit...redundant?" Jimmy's reply came out from his lips with some mockery. He was leaning back against the kitchen counter, and at the sight of Nick, he decided to pull himself forward.

"I don't know, you tell me." Nick said, frowning a little. "Don't you have stuff to do? Like talking to Angels, for example?" And the blond wouldn't just drop that subject yet, would he now?

"... Nick."

"... You should go." He said, giving his back to him, and heading to the fridge. He needed something to eat, anything to make himself feel better after all that he has drank in that bar. He can swear that he still sees double up ahead.

For a moment it looked like as if Nick was trying to run away from Jimmy, at least, that was Jimmy's impression for a moment. He can get that his lover was drunk, that he shouldn't have come tonight... Maybe Nick was trying to avoid him so Jimmy didn't end up hurt or something. Thing is, even if Nick was pissed at Jimmy, the blond craved him, he missed him, and the last events have been really strange. He was afraid, scared, and tired. If he ends up losing Jimmy, he's sure he will lost it. He couldn't, he just couldn't allow that to happen.

His thoughts had him off guard, his icy blue eyes were set on the floor, and then somewhere else in front of him, he felt... Yeah. Someone was hugging him from behind. The blond closed his eyes, and clenched his teeth, releasing a breath he didn't know was holding back. It was obvious that these arms were from Jimmy.

"I won't." The youngest said and remained close to him, his fingers softly tugging at the blond's shirt, and he could feel Nick wasn't alright. Of course he wasn't alright. "Why you do this to yourself, Nick?"

"..."

"Talk to me." Jimmy pleaded. Nick wasn't answering. He didn't, at least not at the beginning.

"Let go of me." Nick whispered in a raspy voice, his cold hands trying to pull Jimmy's away. He could get that the dark haired man felt offended by his action. "You need to go." The blond obviously insists.

"Why?" Jimmy's voice came out with obvious pain. "You hate me now?" And he obviously wasn't thinking. All he can see is Nick trying to keep his mouth shut.

_Remember, dammit... Remember I'm not in condition to discuss anything right now. _

But Jimmy couldn't read the blond's thoughts. Instead of nod and obey, he pushed his luck further. Jimmy approached him again, his hand grabbed a fistful of his shirt and spun him around. Jim was about to protest, Nick's behaviour was pissing him off. But those blue eyes of his frightened the innocent sheep. And then he knew what was going on, Nick was just trying to hold himself back. "Nick..."

The blond approached Jimmy, he pressed his forehead against his, and Jimmy wasn't sure when it happened, but he found out he had returned over his steps, and he was once again, leaning against the kitchen counter. Nick's big hands reached for the younger man's thighs, and pulled him up, making him sit on the counter. As a response to that, Jimmy had to wrap his arms around his lover's neck to find support, but as soon he had his legs around Nick's sides, even when there was no risk for him to fall from his grip, he didn't pull away. Arms still around Nick's neck, and the blond pressed his forehead against Jim's neck. He wasn't moving much, though his hands were trembling a little, Jim knew his behaviour by now, Nick wanted to touch him, but wasn't doing it.

"It's ok." Jimmy said, as he ran his nose tip softly and tender behind Nick's right ear, earning him a lovely, and almost inaudible grunt. "... It's ok. You can touch me." Still, even when he said this, Nick was still doubtful. "I... want you to touch me." He had to add later, and his hands reached for the blond's cheeks. Pulling his face up, he rubbed his lips against Nick's. His breathing colliding against them, and the drunk had to let himself go.

His hands were over the younger's thighs, he practically dig his fingertips onto them, scratching the fabric of Jimmy's jeans, and then they were already kissing. Nick closed the distance, a needy kiss, though Jimmy's response to that wasn't a submissive one. He kissed with the same passion, also daring to bite teasingly his lover's lower lip. And things escalated pretty fast after that, because soon their clothes started to annoy them, and Jimmy was the first one trying to pull away the blond's shirt. Nick let him, as his hands, his fingers slid below the other's thighs, pulling him closer to him, so they could feel each other better. The steam all around them, Nick's teasing by pressing his crotch against Jimmy's, his hips rocking back and forth, subtle and needy at the same time. And the soft groan reached the blond's ears. That was something he was craving to hear now. He really needed that.

And things somehow weren't as rough as Jimmy thought, at least not for now. Nick was trying to go slow, even being drunk. There must be a thin line in between his drunk/animalistic love making, and his cute Teddy Bear side with Jimmy. Usually when drunk, he doesn't think much, but yet as well, when he's fine he can be rough if provoked. Now everything could be sweet if that's what Jim wanted, but they weren't as once before. Not only Nick has changed for Jimmy, but Jimmy has changed too. He's used now to more pervy stuff, and between that stuff there was the dirty talking, something that came mostly from the blond's side, but well... Sometimes Jimmy was the one teasing his lover with that.

"Nhh... Nick..." Jimmy tried to say in a whisper, having the blond working his way inside his lover's pants, unbuckling his belt, eager, causing Jimmy to gasp when his hand slipped down the fabric of his jeans, and underneath his underwear. "Oh, fuck..." Jimmy was breathless already, feeling Nick's fingers wrapping around his half-erect member, the man didn't lose his time, and soon began to jerk his lover off. A soft whine came out of the younger man's lips, closing his eyes at the feeling, it didn't take long for Nick to realize Jimmy was really aroused now.

"God, you look so hot and cute at the same... time..." Nick whispered in his ear, Jimmy grunts, his hands on Nick's sides, wanting to press the blond against him. Jimmy's soft moans had the eldest's breathing tensing up. "I want you..."

"You have me... " Jimmy replied back, wrapping his arms again around his lover's neck. His lips then ran smoothly against the blond's ear, "Oh God, you so have me." he added soon after.

And yeah, no, both were impatient at this point. Nick made sure to let Jim know about it, the so usual gasp against the younger's soft skin was enough hint. The blond was about to pull Jimmy in a way to make him get down from the counter, but it was Jimmy this time who decided to move things faster, he then jumped down, and with his lover's impatient push, both found quickly a position. Nick's hands were on Jim's hips, and he turned Jimmy around. In a wild move, the blond leaned his face down to speak dirty things into his lover's ear. This caused Jimmy to get even more aroused if that was possible, and a soft groan escaped his lips, he even teased the blond further by pressing his ass against Nick's hips, even when Nick already was pressing softly against him, Jimmy just intensified it, and damn if the blond was hard.

"Nick... C'mon!" Yes Nick, your Angel wants you now. Jimmy not only said that, but also bent over the counter to tease the other man some more, looking back over his shoulder, only to find the blond about to lose his mind.

"You dirty little sheep..." Nick said, and tried not to grin too widely. He pulled Jimmy's pants down and spat on his fingers, his saliva would have to do right now, Nick wasn't feeling like going to get the lube he had in his bedroom right now, no. Too aroused for that.

And Jimmy gasped at the rough intrusion of those fingers inside him, the man had to press his forehead against the counter, and then he felt his lover's lips behind his nape. He was kissing him, and nibbling on his skin. Two of his fingers working Jimmy open for him, fingers rotating and twisting endlessly inside, carefully so he wouldn't hurt him. His fingertips rubbing against his lover's prostate had the religious guy groaning madly in pleasure, it was torture alright. "Dammit, Nick!... Please!" He pleaded, panting hard. The blond decided then not to make him wait any longer, so, after freeing his erection, and after pulling his fingers out of Jimmy, he was pushing inside, and he pushed inside until he felt he couldn't push any further. Jimmy, more than a gasp, what he let out was a scream. But it didn't obviously mean it was because it hurt him.

"Are you alright?" Nick said breathless against his ear, not moving yet, afraid that single thrust might had caused some pain in his Angel, but no, Jimmy soon denied with his face.

"I'm ok... I...¡!" And he had to shut up because as soon he said that, the blond began to move against him, releasing a groan against his ear. Jimmy had to join him on that one, and clenched his eyes, curling his brows upwards. He then felt the blond really close to him, and he wrapped his arms around him. Lips pressing against Jimmy's right shoulder, as his palms touched his skin. His right against Jim's hips, and the other slowly running up his abs and chest, a couple of fingers finding one of Jimmy's nipples, not losing the opportunity to play with it.

Jimmy groaned, and soon tried to move as well, finding soon a pace together. They would keep it rather calm at the beginning, Nick trying to make it last, though he just wanted to find his release soon. Funny fact, Jimmy was just as desperate as Nick, and just the same, he wanted his lover to help him reach the edge he was craving for.

The blond couldn't help himself but moan against his lover's nape, against his neck, making love to Jimmy always felt so good, and the fact of having the youngest groaning and squirming in pleasure made everything just better. Nick and his dirty talking soon reached Jim's ear, the poor man thought he wasn't going to be able to hold it much longer, less when the blond was,once again, hitting just the right spot within him. The moan that came out of his mouth then, had Nick clenching his teeth, and thrusting harder and deeper into him. He brought his hands above Jimmy's, and entwined his fingers with his lover's, gripping them harder time later, when he thought he was getting close, both of them getting close actually.

Nick continued with his erratic thrusts, even after Jimmy had reached his climax. Jimmy was panting hard and had his forehead pressed against the counter, his ears were ringing, his vision was blurry. Nick had to pull himself back a little as he reached his own edge, good thing that the fact of him still banging his lover as he was doing, had Jimmy still enjoying of his own release, and when he finally felt it, the blond buried himself deep inside as he filled Jimmy with his seed in hot spurts, Jimmy had to groan once more, pulling his head back. Nick bit on Jimmy's neck once, as he gave the last thrusts, slowing down eventually. Then it was only the hard panting against his skin, eyes closed. the blond trying to get back his breath just as much Jimmy was trying to get back his.

"Dammit, Nick..." Jimmy panted out, and then smiled, still trembling, but feeling so good. Nick had his body still pressed against his, Jimmy could even feel the sweat on his back.

"What?" Nick grinned a little, kissing the other man's neck lovingly. "Would you like to complain?" He said, teasing Jimmy even when he knew his lover was just as happy and satisfied as he was. "I love you" Added in the end, giving Jim a kiss near his ear. Then he pulled himself out of him, and helped Jimmy to turn around, so he could face him "... so much."

Jimmy welcomed that with a smile, and wrapped his arms around Nick's neck, the blond wrapped his around Jimmy's torso, hands touching his back, eyes closed once again. He felt safe being like this, having Jimmy with his arms around him. He inhaled deeply, and hid his face in that spot between his neck and shoulder. "I love you, too." Was the youngest's reply, a tender whisper. Lips pressed softly against Nick's forehead, still feeling the eldest breathing hard. It was just too cute.

That night, Jimmy called Amelia and told her he was going to stay to watch over Nick, because the blond was drunk, and apparently had another relapse, and tried to hurt himself. Always the excuse of depression, Amelia knew her husband and Nick have been friends for years, and she also is aware that the blond had it rough with all what he had to go trough, but she didn't like much the fact that Jimmy usually had to watch over him a lot. Hell, the man should watch over himself already, right? How long has it been since that horrible day? Months, right? Well... Maybe the wound was still fresh, Amelia thought later.

But she was wrong, even when Nick indeed still deals with depression, he was feeling so much better thanks to his best friend. And that's the reason he's so bothered with the whole thing about Jim hearing _Angels _now. The fear feels real mostly because Nick believes in his lover's word, and that's another thing that also pisses him off.

He needed to stop thinking about this, or he would go insane...

"So... What were you thinking about?" Jimmy asked as his fingers caressed Nick's hair. Both were resting in bed, in Nick's bedroom. Nick had his head on his lover's lap, eyes narrowed, looking away. The other man was sitting in the bed, his back resting against the headboard.

Nick probably should lie now, or he can imagine another fight happening out of nowhere. "Nothing... Just that I like having you here." Well, that wasn't a complete lie. He was glad Jimmy was now there with him, spending the night and all.

"Hmm... You know, I was thinking... You should come for dinner tomorrow." Jimmy said, making Nick to lift his gaze towards him.

"Huh? Why?"

"Because of all of this, this lies about you dealing with relapses in order to get us more time together... I bet Amelia is wondering why I'm not inviting you to the house like before."

"Oh... I understand." Nick narrowed his eyes, yeah. "Ok, fine. I don't mind."

"Of course you don't mind, unless you want me to kick your ass." Teased the sheep, and Nick grinned.

"Maybe I would want to see you trying that...?"

"Oh... Don't tease me." Jim chuckles. "I might."

"Suuure, sure you would." And the wolf couldn't help himself now, but to tease his lover back.

That ended with a playful wrestling, and Nick ending up pinning Jimmy down on his bed, and making out with him.

Next morning Jimmy returned to his house, it was still really early in the morning when he came out, and Nick stayed at home, sleeping in his bed. Of course that when the blond opened his eyes and found out Jimmy wasn't around, he had to release one big sigh. How can he miss that man so much? Sure, he would love to have him 24/7, but no... Go Amelia, you sure are a lucky woman. Nick would get up that day, and go to work later.

An hour before his shift in the hospital ended, he received a text message from Jimmy. It said: 'You better come straight home after work, Amelia is cooking. And she's happy to know you're coming, so don't you dare say No. '

'What are you gonna do if I end up not going?' Was Nick's reply.

'Don't tease me, Nick.'

Nick had to laugh, teasing his lover was always fun, so he replied by saying Ok, that he would be there. But he wouldn't go there straight after work, no, he decided to go first to his own house, and have a shower. Then yes, he took his car keys and headed straight to Jimmy's place.

It was night already, his watch let him know it was 8 pm. Getting out of his car he headed to the door, and Amelia was the one who received him. She smiled at him and invited him inside.

"Hey!" Jimmy said, standing from his couch, approaching Nick, patting the shoulder of his best friend and lover. "So... Feeling better today?" Of course, they needed to play along, after all, Nick had another relapse last night, right?

"Uhh... yeah. I had some trouble at work, but nothing too serious." He rubbed the back of his neck with a hand, and looked at Amelia almost embarrassed. Geez! What a good actor, Nick, really! Jimmy smiled as soon as his wife headed back to the kitchen to finish dinner.

"Come, let's watch TV while we wait." Jim suggested, and Nick followed.

There, in the living room, there was Claire as well, watching cartoons on TV. "Hi, Nick." The little one greeted him, and the blond had to smile at her.

"Hey there. Watching cartoons again, huh?"

"Yes!" And she giggled.

"Good, good..." Nick takes a seat beside Jimmy, and supported his arms on his thighs. Just then, he dares to speak to Jimmy again. "So, anything interesting at work today?"

"Yeah... you lost a very good recipe today." Jim teased the blond, of course. Nick laughs softly.

"That's too bad... What about the lady and her cat?"

"Hmm..." Jimmy pressed his lips into a thin line, rolling his eyes, setting them in the ceiling for just a moment. Of course he was going to play along. "She called, we were also talking about you, and... your sick love for her cat. She was... pleased."

Nick laughed.

"What? It's a serious thing! Next time I'll let her know you want to kidnap it. Oh.. I can see the picture already, her cat in the milk boxes." Jimmy even joined his words with a simple gesture, he ran a hand in front of him, as if he was picturing the whole scene. It only made the blond to laugh some more. "Missing. Lovely cat, misses his mother. PD: You will burn in Hell you psycho mothe—peep-!"

"Hey, you kiss your daughter with that mouth?" He continued laughing, squinting his icy blue eyes.

"That's why I censored my words. But yup, I can imagine the old lady cursing you even in the missing add thing. " Jim grinned at him, amused.

"Yeah... I bet that would be hilarious." He gazed up at Jimmy, since he was kind of curved because of his position in the couch.

"Who has a cat?" Claire then interrupted. Nick had to smirk as he set his eyes on Jimmy.

"Oh, no one familiar to us, baby. It's just a lady that sometimes calls me at work, and it seems she enjoys talking about her cat." Jimmy tried to explain. Claire nodded, squinting her eyes a little curious, and then just focused again on the TV screen.

The girl had her back turned on them, and Amelia wasn't around obviously, still in the kitchen, Nick can even hear her cutting some vegetables. The blond gazed at Jimmy, amused, and just as sometimes he tends to do, he couldn't help himself but to tease him a little... further.

The sudden gasp of Jimmy only made Nick smirk and look somewhere else, the dark haired man sure looked at him almost instantly, shocked and pissed at what his lover just did, how dare he? Did he just slid a hand down his thigh, really close to more important areas? Oh no, Nick, you sure are going to get it later, Jimmy is sure he's going to scold your ass once all of this is over.

"Dad?" Claire turned around, only to see Nick with his arms behind the couch, smiling amused and daring at her father. Jimmy was the representation of a tomato.

"W-What? I...Yes, yes, baby. I just thought I saw a bug on my arm, but it's... nothing, yeah." Yeah, nothing Jimmy, you keep saying yourself that. The look he gave to Nick though, he sure wasn't happy about what he had just done, not one bit.

"A bug? Eww!" The girl somehow got paranoic, and stood up from the floor. She was sitting down on the carpet after all, and went to the kitchen to talk to her mother about it.

"It's okay, honey. There's no bugs, it was a mistake!" Jimmy tried to calm her down, only to feel a hand behind his nape, and at how this hand forced him to turn around and face the blond's face. Nick actually was now stealing a kiss from him. It was something short, subtle, quick.

Nick pulled himself back and stood up from the couch, trying to escape from Jimmy, it was hilarious now, really. "I need to use the bathroom, Jim, be right back." He said, and left the living room with a grin spread over his lips.

Jimmy's facial expression was a whole poem. You could say he was experimenting _Fifty shades of_ Red. But it wasn't just the fact of feeling embarrassed and nervous about this whole situation,but he really, _really_, needed to talk seriously with his lover later about all of this. He just couldn't do this kind of things in his house. For God's sake, his daughter and wife where just right there, a few meters away from them, only a wall was separating the couple after all, isn't that right?

"Jimmy, dinner will be ready in 5 minutes." Amelia warned, and Jimmy stood from his place.

Great. He could use this to go and talk to Nick, he would give him the speech, just wait. "Alright, hun. I'll let Nick know about it then." He said, and hurried himself up the stairs.

Thing now was that Nick wasn't in the bathroom when Jimmy approached the door, and saw it open. What the hell? He walked and peeked inside a room, and there he was. Nick pulled an arm out and grabbed Jimmy by the wrist, pulling him inside and pinning him against the wall. It was a little dark in there, but the light from the corridor was enough not to blind them completely. And Jimmy was about to protest, he frowned furiously, and tried to push Nick away from him, but the blond didn't let him do that.

"What the hell, Nic-¡!" He wasn't even capable to speak, Nick sure knew how to silence him. Hungry lips pressed against his lover's, Jimmy felt himself not only nervous in that moment, but shy. "Nick... no..." He whispered, Nick didn't seem to be listening.

"Shh... I won't do anything crazy, I promise." He replied back "Just wanted to... hmm... kiss you."

The soft whisper only made Jimmy shiver a little under the blond's touch. He sure was skilled, dammit. He had to give in, and kiss him back. Jimmy wasn't sure why he was allowing this now, I mean, he didn't like when Nick was this daring, but not being sure of what could happen in the day after, when he has been talking with Castiel and all, when he was about to nod at the Angel's request... Yeah. He could allow this now. Jimmy is only praying that everything will turn out well after this, he has been proving his faith to Castiel, he had to do what the Angel asks him. It was God's will in the end, wasn't it? Heaven needed his help, Jimmy was obliged to nod as a good son.

But this _now_. Nick. Himself.

_Please forgive me, Nick... _

Jimmy slid his arms around Nick's waist and now, it was the shy sheep who was pinning the blond against the wall. Nick actually released a soft gasp. What did this mean? No, he couldn't allow himself to think much about it, all that he can process right now was that this, right now, felt amazing. Jim was the one wanting to kiss him, when he thought he would push him away, not caring about the fact that Nick promised not to do anything crazy, but... Jimmy was actually allowing this.

_You will be fine without me. It can't be for long... Isn't that right? _

Nick bit his lover's bottom lip, and again, he's the one who is pinning Novak against the wall. Hands touching Jimmy's sides, Nick continued kissing him. He wasn't going to cross the line here, this was only... a soft make out session. He promised himself, even when he was already getting aroused by all of it. Jimmy sure helped a lot. Why couldn't he just... Push him away like he always does?

_You'll have to take care of him too, Castiel._

And what's this? Nick thought for a moment. He felt something wet when his nose at one moment, brushed softly his lover's cheek.

He pulled himself back a little.

"Jimmy?" He whispered, asking. He wasn't curious, he was worried. "Are you crying?" No, he hated this now. He hated seeing Jimmy cry. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He soon tried to apologize for whatever he might be doing wrong now. God, how can his mood shift so suddenly from eager, to concerned? The pain he now felt, and the worst thing was that he didn't know what he did this time. "I must have done something... wrong, I-" But Jimmy shushed him by rubbing his lips against his.

"Shh... It's not your fault." The youngest said, trying to pull away his tears. "I was just... worried for a moment. I... I don't know." He couldn't believe that he was lying to Nick now, he should feel ashamed of himself.

Nick tried to speak again, but Jimmy is the one making his lover shut up by stealing a kiss from him. The eldest sure was lost. He could feel something was wrong, and the mere feeling was making him feel angsty.

_Please, no... Just... Don't you dare..._

The blond broke the kiss and just hugged Jimmy, pressing his body against his. Jimmy wrapped his arms around the nurse's neck.

Somehow, Nick just knew, but was trying so hard now to... deny it. No, it couldn't be that.

Some time later they were already taking place in the kitchen. Claire, Nick and Jimmy already sitting at the table, Amelia was serving dinner, and soon as well, she was occupying her spot at the table. She smiled at them, and before starting to eat, she obviously waited for Jimmy to say his Graces as they usually do. They held hands, and Nick, silently, joined them. The blond held hands with Amelia and Claire, as Jimmy said the usual, asking God to bless their food, being grateful and all. Nick gazed down at the table, he sure gets pissed at God everytime he had to do this, by a question of manners and respect.

"Bless this food, oh, Lord, and ourselves to thy loving service that we may always continue in thy faith and fear to the honor and glory of thy name. Amen." Jimmy finished.

Amelia and Claire said _Amen _in unison right after, but not Nick. He remained silent, but bowed his head just like the rest.

The rest of the dinner was quiet, Claire sometimes asked things to Nick, Nick happily answering to her. The girl giggling at the blond, Amelia gazing at Jimmy every now and then, the dark haired man gazed back at her, sometimes smiling. Once they where done, Claire asked permission to go watch TV, and Amelia said it was fine. Jimmy stood up from the table to go to the bathroom, and Nick helped Amelia with the dishes, and actually took that opportunity to talk with the woman, _alone_. Topic? Jimmy and his Angel pal.

When Jimmy was back, Nick approached him and asked him to walk him to the door, because it was already too late. Amelia joined claire in the living room, and watched TV for a while with the little one.

"So... Are you going to be ok?" Jimmy asked, closing the door behind him, standing at the porch, seeing Nick turning around to look at him in the face.

"Call me tomorrow, you will find out." Yes, that was a tease. Jim already knew that Nick always smiles when he hears his voice. The blond grinned softly at him, and noticed Jimmy was having some troubles to smile as he always did. Something was different...

"Sure." He lied again, and nodded, trying to avoid having to look at him in the eyes for a prolonged time. Nick narrowed his eyes.

"Are you alright?" And obviously that Nick needed to ask.

"I'm good." He looked up back at him then, opening the door, about to go back inside. "Take care, Nick."

Nick didn't reply... Why didn't that feel _right_?

The blond sees his lover going back inside, and he watched the door for a moment, having doubts, just later decided to turn around, and leave.

* * *

Some time later, that same night, Amelia decided to talk to Jimmy about the matter that was worrying almost everyone. More after having that little chat with Nick, he, somehow, made her realize she needed to make Jim realize he was wrong, he really needed to go see a doctor. He was sick.

"Nick is right... You're not getting better, Jim."

Jimmy, who was taking place in the couch, just hearing his wife talking about Nick and the fact _he_ wasn't ok, made him frown a little bothered. "What do you mean? I'm perfectly fine."

"You're not. You are even talking to him about that Angel." Amelia was so hurt inside, her face clearly was saying she was about to break at any moment. "Take the pills"

The man rolled his eyes, gazing down at the floor. "I'm not sick."

"Jimmy, take the pills."

Looking back at her. "I know that this is hard to understand, but he chose me."

"Castiel, the Angel?" She gazed down at the floor for a short moment, taking a deep breath, then looking back at him. Her tears still rolling down her cheeks.

"He's spoken to me now, Ames, a dozen times. Hey, you believe in God, don't you?" Jimmy sees his wife almost rolling her eyes, making obvious that the question he just asked, was just too obvious. Of course she believed in God. "And Angels?"

"Yes, Jimmy."

"So, why is it then so hard for you to believe that they're talking to me?"

"Jimmy, you sell ad time for A.M. Radio."

"No, he said that I'm special. It's in my blood."

"What does that mean, it's in your blood, hm?"

"He didn't say. He just said that God has chosen me for a higher purpose."

"To do what?"

"No, it's God's will. Not really my place to question it." He even squinted his eyes, tilting his face to one side. "Hey, come here." Amelia was silent, but approached him, taking a seat by his side. Jimmy held her hands. "This is a blessing. This is the most important thing that ever happened to me."

"... I thought we were the most important things to ever happen to you." She said softly, you can almost hear her pain in her words.

"Hey, have faith." Now Jimmy sure was creepy. "God will provide."

"Jimmy, you're scarying me." Amelia said "If you won't take your pills and if you won't get help, then I'm going to take Claire to my mother's in the morning." She let him know then, and left the room, going upstairs.

Jimmy stays alone there for a while, but then decided to go outside, once after he was sure about his decision, and dressed himself as if he were going to work. Wearing even the trenchcoat since it was cold outside. There, past the porch, he adresses to the sky.

"So, I wanna help you. I'm about to lose my family here if you don't tell me how … Please, Castiel, just talk to me. What do you want from me?" A soft light appears and illuminates him from above. Castiel was now whispering to him. "Yes, I understand. Promise my family will be okay and I'll do it ..."

There is silence for a moment, at least for the ordinary human ear, but Castiel was still talking to Jimmy. The man, even if mentally, was also asking him to take care of Nick as well. Jimmy was feeling so guilty right now, not only because he would have to leave his family behind, but because he was leaving Nick, behind as well, even if just for a while... at least that's what Jimmy thinks and hopes.

They will have to forgive him, _Nick_ would have to forgive him. This was just too damn important to say no...

"Then, _Yes_."


	4. Then Yes

**Notes:  
**Finally, it's done! Here, the last chapter, sorry the delay.  
Again thanks to my partner in crime [_Renezinha_], for being my beta 3

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

* * *

_So... Are you going to be ok?_

_Call me tomorrow, you will find out._

_But you never did_, Nick thought to himself.

Reaching the glass to his lips, he drank what was left of his scotch in one last sip. He can't tell how many of these he had consumed already, but noticing how some people were looking at him, with pity in their eyes, it could only mean he drank maybe a little too much.

"You've had enough, Nick" Said Ben, with a worried expression on his face. He knew the blond was surely going to reject his petition and, in fact, all he got from Nick's lips was a gesture of discomfort.

He didn't say anything.

"You're worrying me. Something happened, didn't it?" Again, there was no answer. Nick's grip on the glass tightened. That only meant that maybe, he should shut up, and let the man do as he pleases.

"Shut up, Ben." Nick said in a weak voice and stood up. He threw enough money onto the counter, maybe more than he should, but he couldn't give a crap about that right now.

"Nick..." The sadness in the barman's eyes.

The blond got out of the bar, his vision blurred. Trying to walk in this condition was difficult, but still, he manages. Lost in his thoughts, he isn't sure what to do now, every inch of him wants to burn, and die. There wasn't a reason anymore to keep on living, he had lost his family, and now, his best friend and lover decided it was cool, apparently, letting an Angel to take him for a ride.

Well, at least there was something good, he wasn't driving a car. He was walking way back home, taking slow, but firm steps. He wasn't even aware that a couple of guys were following him and when he noticed, it was too late.

It was that guy, _again_.

Seems he can't forget the last encounter they had, in which they actually had a street fight, and ended up losing like the best. Nick was used to street fights, most of the times he wins, and well, he sure is stronger than this one guy. But now he didn't come alone, and Nick's drunk state wasn't good news. Maybe they were waiting for this to happen, so they could have the advantage on their hands.

But they were wrong.

Even if Nick was a mess barely standing in two legs, the anger and sorrow he had was so strong, that these two should have thought it better before jumping on him.

So, the _stranger_, turned the blond around and gave him a strong punch on the face, sending him straight to the nearest wall, Nick lost his balance there for a second, but he got it back fast. His brain working at its best, searching for a way to get out of this mess, and that mostly led to fight back. The first guy tried again, Nick let him get closer, he actually _needed_ him to get closer, and as soon he closed the fists on the blond's shirt, Nick took his enemy by the wrists and smashed his forehead hard and fast against the other's. The dude stumbled, and fell back, growling in pain, and Nick took the chance to kick him in the face, and the guy passed out.

The second one, the man who was supposed to take _revenge_ on Nick, soon hesitated. Maybe he shouldn't even try it, maybe he should run. That's what he thought as he dared to step closer to the blond, but at the sight of Nick soon walking towards him, with all the intention to give him the beating of his life, the coward stepped back, and ran. He stumbled on his feet and all, gazing back, and then back to the front, and Nick would have laughed at that, if it weren't because he wasn't in the mood.

Well, at least he got out of it better than he thought, he only gained a punch on the face, not bad. Reaching a hand up, he used the right thumb to clean his bottom lip and chin from the blood. He closed his eyes, lowered his face, and released a deep breath. The man was still a little agitated after the strong emotions, and then, soon after he started to walk way back home, he stopped, and his right hand tried to find support against a sidewalk trashcan.

–

"I bet he has told you already about his angel pal, didn't he?"

"... What?" The woman said, turning her face to have a better view of the man that just decided to help her out with the dishes.

"Castiel... I think." Nick tried to let her know that he as well, knew about him.

"Yes, he... has been talking a lot about him, for a while now. I don't know what to think... You think he might be going crazy, Nick?"

"I'm not sure either," He said, sighing and narrowing his eyes. Truth is, that he doesn't believe the man is crazy, but he prefers to believe he _is_. "I've been trying to tell him to go see a psychiatrist, maybe he's just tired and needs some meds, I can't tell." His eyes focus on the sponge. "He's not getting better, " Nick took a deep breath. "And I'm just... concerned."

"Me too. I try to avoid having to talk about it in front of Claire but... Still, it freaks me out." The woman turned off the tap, and Nick handed her the last plate, so she could dry it the same way she was doing with the others. "What if what my husband is saying... Is _true_?"

"..." He just gazed at her for a moment, but couldn't find an answer to that.

–

_You son of a bitch..._

He kicked the trashcan, and stepped back. The angry look on his face, a strong growl coming out from the deep of his throat. If only... If _just_ only...

_How could you do this to me?..._

Selfish thought right there, but the blond just couldn't help it. He was so mad at everything and everyone, he was even mad at himself. If only he could have done something to stop it... Anything...

… _Jimmy._

All what he could do, was go back home, and try to rest.

* * *

He wasn't there.

He wasn't there anymore.

No, the image of him in the blond's dreams was just a constant reminder that he had lost him. His best friend, the one he fell in love years ago, and then back again because apparently, maybe was just fate. And it was painful, because that _fate_ didn't have a good ending.

And he rolled on his bed, having nightmares, trying to reach out to him, but it was useless. Waking up covered in sweat, with his heart beating hard and fast, a horrible pain in his chest, in his gut, and his face with trails of tears all over his face. It was hard looking to his side and find the spot beside him, empty. Even when Jimmy obviously used to sleep in his own bed, with his wife, still the blond wished it all was just a bad dream, and waking up he would find him there, on _his_ side, just like in those few nights his _Angel_ agreed to sleep with him on his bed.

_No_, Nick... He wasn't there beside you.

He wasn't _there_ anymore.

* * *

Going to work didn't help distract him either, some of the patients he had to treat and watch over, had the bad luck to deal with a _clumsy_ side from his part. With his mind in another world, it wasn't weird. He got himself a few reports, and even when he didn't want to talk about what was going on, the director told him he should let a psychologist see him.  
Nick refused.

But he did something alright, he _did_ something...

And no, it wasn't something good.

It _wasn't_.

His icy blue eyes narrowed as he stared at himself in the mirror. There, in the bathroom of his house, Nick was wearing a stubble. His blond hair; messy. He was probably drunk again.

It was routine, everyday after work, to swallow a bottle of scotch. The blurry vision could be a canon thing by now. He knows he hasn't been able to consolidate his sleep in the last few days, and he also gave up on going back to work since then even though his partners tried to contact him.

The phone rang once or twice today, he can't remember exactly, but he believes it rang twice. Yes. Twice.

Once early in the morning, and once in the afternoon.

Why twice? That sure was annoying. Couldn't they realize he didn't want to pick up the call? That he didn't even want to know who it was behind the phone?

Can't they just leave him... _Alone_?

He was more dizzy and numb than usual, that he is sure of because he suddenly fell to his knees, they couldn't hold up his own weight, and a couple of flasks fell to his side, as he hit his forehead against the cold tiles.

He couldn't read what it said on the labels, and he didn't care.

Just a few pills left, and they were all spread near him, in the floor.

…

_Maybe_ this was for the best.

_Maybe_ this is what he wanted.

No... This was _definetely_, what he wanted.

_Maybe I can find them all in there,_

_Maybe I can find him... then,_

… _And maybe they _all_ are waiting for me._

Thinking in something positive, when he was losing consciousness, was the last thing he could do. Even when he knew no one was waiting for him, because trying to commit _suicide_, meant he was going to _Hell_. At least, that's what Jimmy always said, that's what his family said. That's what Sarah... Used to say.

She was so lovely when she smiled, when she talked to Amelia. When they headed off together to Church, Sundays, early morning. They all used to go to Church once in a while, mostly Novak's family, but Sarah liked that as well. She always said that it made her feel at... _peace_.

But God took _everything_ from him.

There was no God up there for him, and when he thought he had something to hold on, this last thing he needed badly, left him behind. And why?

Because an Angel _told_ him to.

–

There was a strong light over the Novak's family house when he decided to come back, because he thought Jimmy sounded weird that night after the dinner, and the strange moment they shared in that room really felt... Out of place.

If Nick didn't knew Jimmy better, he would have said that resembled some sort of a _Goodbye_.

But Jimmy couldn't do that to him and his own family, right? He couldn't dare and accept an order from an Angel. It was insane! He would leave everything he had for a stupid command from Heaven? A Heaven that, apparently, had a God washing his hands all the freaking time?

It was a joke.

And there was also Claire at the main door, the blond could only watch when Jimmy turned around, stared at his daughter with a weird tilt of head, and then he thought that didn't look like Jimmy at _all_. There was something wrong with him, and that's when the man began to walk in his direction on the sidewalk.

Claire at that time was back inside her house, she didn't close the door behind her because apparently she was still too shocked with what she had just experienced, and Nick could tell it wasn't alright. And _Jimmy_, still curious about how things looked like around him, as if he were passing by a new neighborhood and as a little kid, wanting to stare at everything, didn't realize that the blond was already in front of him.

Nick almost forgot to breath in that instant.

And _Castiel_ recognized him, of course. He didn't say a thing to him, but found curious that behaviour, and tilted his head once again, when Nick didn't seem to step aside, and let him continue his _tour_.

"Jimmy..." Nick said, almost afraid to receive an answer that weren't something in between '_Hey, Nick_'. Instead, all what he got, was this man, in front of him looking at him with a frowny face, as he squinted the beautiful blue eyes that once belonged to _his_ Jimmy.

"I am not Jimmy Novak."

And the blond's world collapsed before him.

It wasn't Jimmy, it wasn't him, and deep inside, he knew he was saying the truth.

And uncontrollably, soon tears began to roll down his cheeks, the sorrow and anger filling his emotions, and his icy blue eyes trembled a little as he advanced against this... _Entity_.

"You evil son of a bitch, let him go!" He yelled, demanding, grabbing fistfuls from the trench coat Jimmy used to wear time to time. "Let him go, you can't take him away from his family! You can't take him away from _me_!" He said, and he felt like wanting to hurt him as Castiel stared at him. He was still as a stone. What the _hell_ with this guy? He could have thought.

"He was chosen for a mission God commanded." Even the voice didn't look the same, it was raspy, and lower. It wasn't his Jimmy. "But I promised him I would watch over his family."

His family only?

Nick's eyes revealed a huge pain, more, I mean. He couldn't believe he wasn't talking to Jimmy. No, this couldn't be real, this was a dream, a bad dream, a _nightmare_. "Ok, Jimmy. You got me, nice interpretation of this Angel pal you said you were talking with. Can you just quit the _act_ now?"

Castiel narrowed his eyes, the serious look said everything, and he reached his hands to hold the blond's wrists, and put them down. "You... have suffered in life, I am aware... But listen; The souls of your wife and son are both safe in Heaven."

Nick didn't want to hear this, he just couldn't hear it. This was still Jimmy, and he was there, trying to fool him, and caught him good. But instead of yelling at his lover for playing this game long enough already, more tears rolled down his cheeks. "Please... Just _don't_... Don't take him away from me as well," Nick was a real mess. "Hasn't Your _God_ taken enough from me yet?!" He yelled soon after, and he tried Castiel to let go of his wrists, so he could punch Jimmy in the face for doing this to him. "How could you do this to me, Jimmy?! How could you do this to your family?!"

And Nick didn't know if Jimmy was still inside his own body, trapped maybe, but he had the need to yell at him for this. And he couldn't just stop struggling against the Angel's strong grip, and Jimmy inside Castiel, with his soul in pain as well, in that small fragment of time and when he still was conscious of what was going on, he begged to Castiel that please... _Please_... Do something about this.

Castiel released the blond's left wrist, and reached a hand to press a couple of fingers against Nick's forehead. "He is deeply sorry... But this was something it had to be done." Was the last thing the blond could hear, before passing out. The angel put him to sleep, of course, not wanting to get to harm him. He knew the blond was violent, and the best thing to get out of this, was forcing him to sleep.

His knees touched the floor, and his body collapsed against it right after. Inert. As Castiel gazed down at him, and after a slight tilt of head, he vanished. The ruffle of wings saying that Nick was left alone in that sidewalk, but he would be fine. He would wake up on his own soon, or maybe someone else would just help with that before he got to even realize.

–

But he wasn't alright, and starting to see darkness all around him, and at how the colours began to fade in the bathroom, he felt the cellphone on his pants, ringing.

With the strength he had left, he managed to grab the phone, and seeing the name of Jimmy in the small screen, he thought he had lost it.

But he picked the call anyway, because he wanted to believe all of that was still an ugly nightmare.

"Jimmy?" His voice weak, and soft... He could barely talk.

"Nick?" The voice was female, he couldn't recognize it at first, but it was someone he _knew_. And there, in the background, there was someone else apparently... _Crying_. It was a kid, a girl? "Nick, where are you? Are you alright?"

"... _Amelia_?"

"Claire wanted to talk to you, she has been worried because you haven't called her. Somehow she thought you were in trouble, and wanted me to call you, that you hav- Nick?" The man was too quiet, the woman thought. "Are you listening to what I'm saying?"

"I..." No, the strength wasn't with him tonight, and he was about to fall into a deep sleep.

"Nick? It's me, Claire. I had a scary dream last night with daddy... and today I had a bad feeling about you... I just wanted to-I just..." The girl couldn't stop from crying, because not only her dad had left her, but she could feel that she was losing Nick as well. The little one somehow grew attached to her father's best friend, like an uncle figure, let's say. "Please tell me,are are okay?"

But Nick couldn't answer, and the girl began to sob even more. Amelia took the phone and noticed the call was still on, but no one was answering. Probably Nick dropped the phone and, just as Claire said, he got himself into _trouble_.

So the woman soon hung up, and dialed _911_.

The paramedics soon arrived at the blond's house, and found him there. They saw the flasks all around and did what they could to help him waking up, in the meanwhile they were taking him to the hospital.

* * *

It has been months since then, and even when he survived that crazy night, even after having a break from work, and returning a month later to continue as normal... He believes that the sadness was going to kill him anyway, if he kept staying there.

Jimmy didn't come back, not to his family, not to _him_. He just left after that night when that damn Angel possessed him. There was no use in staying here, and wait for him. _Pontiac, Illinois_... Didn't feel right anymore for him.

He just knew Jim wasn't coming _back_.

So he took his stuff, packed everything he had, and moved to _Pike Creek, Delaware_.

Claire got sad when she found out that Nick was gone. And of course, Amelia let her call him if that's what she wanted, and so she did. The first day on a new home, and Nick found himself trying to make the girl laugh on the phone. She even asked him if someday he would go and visit her, and Nick was hesitant at first, but he said he would try.

And it was a mess, because he just wanted to get away from all of it, he didn't want Claire to be worried for him, he wasn't good for her, or Amelia. He was an _unstable_ man, and even when he seemed to look _fine_ at the moment, he can't be sure if he would have another _relapse_ later.

He couldn't understand, entering the living room, finding stuff that belonged to his deceased son. The crib upstairs, the boxes with toys and other stuff. He was supposed to get rid of it all... Then why did he drag all of this with him, to a new place, when it was supposed he wanted to get away from all the bad memories?

No, maybe it wasn't him, maybe it were the guys that _helped_ him with the stuff. Maybe it were them the ones dragging all these things inside the moving van, when they were supposed to stay at the old house. But no. It couldn't be him, right? Unless... he was losing his _mind_.

Nick then began, slowly, to take all these little things, and piled them inside a room he wasn't planning to use for now, later he would get rid of them. He had a lot of things to do here first, like re-organizing everything. Settle in this new home, a home he still couldn't call home, but he wanted to keep on trying. He... had to.

But things wouldn't be that easy.

Somehow he started to believe he was going insane. In the past few days he has been having nightmares and hallucinations, all of them making him remember about how he found his wife and baby boy, dead on their beds. All that blood, all that suffering, and it was cruel alright. Having to walk around the house and watching astonished some time later, at the crib pouring blood, or even hear the baby crying from the same bedroom, it was just awful. The man didn't know what to believe, what to think, and also seeing himself covered in blood one night didn't make things better.

And when he thought he had seen it all, the image of his deceased wife showed up beside him on their bed. She told him he was _special_, that he was _chosen_, and all what the blond could think was to try to keep it together. Covering his eyes with a hand, hoping that once he put it away, the image of Sarah would disappear. And that night at least, it did. But as the time went by, he continued seeing strange things, having nightmares, and he just couldn't find the rest he was pleading for so much.

What all of this meant? Could he believe that was really Sarah calling for him? Missing him, maybe? Or just an evil hallucination? Maybe he was really going insane, what if he was suffering from schizophrenia?

He needed to stay calm, and _focus_.

So he tried to sleep, it took him a while to close his eyes but he did, and when he did, he found himself inside a strange dream.

All felt pure, and white, but it was a _memory_. This scenario, almost occupied by green and nature, the few cabins near a lake, and the fact of finding himself wearing a warm jacket. He remembers it was cold that day. A slight smile came to his lips, and as he stared around, he found someone sitting at the end of the lake's dock. He knew this _someone_, and how this made him smile even wider.

"Jimmy..." The blond said, as he approached him from behind. Kneeling, he wrapped his arms around his neck, and leaned over just enough to plant a kiss on his lover's neck. Jimmy was cold, but he wasn't even trembling. He was just... _Fine_.

"Nick..." The dark haired man said, turning his face to the side to see him, and smiled a little. He saw the blond smiling back at him again, and at how he got closer to press his lips on his for a soft kiss. Jimmy didn't kiss back, but let the blond have his way. "We need to talk."

"About what?" Obvious thing was that there, for a moment, he completely forgot all of this was a dream. Yet, somehow, it felt so damn real. .Real. "Can't we just stay here for a while, without having to say anything?" He said "I've missed you so much."

"I know..." Jimmy said, and reached a hand to caress the blond's cheek. "But this is a dream." He let him know. "Nick, this's a dream, yet still _real_. I came because I wanted to tell you something important."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know about the things you have been thinking recently." At Nick's confused expression, the dark haired man continued. "About you... And that old gun?"

"No... I-"

"You can't lie to me, Nick... I know," he said. "That feeling of wanting to give up, and throw all the rest out of the window." He smiles "But Nick, it doesn't have to be that way. There is also a mission for you."

"A mission?" The blond leaned back a little, he blinked.

"And it's waiting for you," Jimmy narrowed his eyes. "And you need to take it with open arms, because it will also _free_ you."

"How?"

"You will see... Soon enough." He tried to get close to the blond again, and after pressing softly his forehead against his, he spoke again. "Do not be afraid... _Justice_ is on its way."

Nick closed his eyes, swallowing, frowning a little sad even, but when he opened his eyes again, there was no one by his side.

He woke up in his room, completely alone again, and there it was again, the trail of tears over his cheeks.

_What was that?_, he thought to himself. _It felt so goddamn... Real._

The next morning, Nick actually saw the gun he kept inside one of the drawers in his room, he stared at it for a while, taking his time, sitting down on his bed. He just stared down, at his hands, he still had to go to work, but just... five minutes more.

* * *

Getting up to go to work, come back home, eat, shower, sleep. He never thought his life would turn into _this_.

_A mission._

And he couldn't stop thinking about that weird dream with Jimmy. He said it was a dream, and at the same time, it wasn't.

Could it be possible that it was Jimmy for real in that dream? Did he really have a mission as well? Does that mean it would have another Angel involved or what?

He had to let go a breath of a laugh as he was drinking at the bar, getting wasted. Just as he does every night. Every night since he lost Jimmy Novak. Every night ever since he was certain, that he had lost all what he once _ever_ had.

It was his free day, so he could waste it doing whatever he wanted, he didn't had to wake up early or something, though... He didn't feel like wanting to do anything. That wasn't him anymore. He had no reason to have fun, the ones who once made him smile, weren't there anymore.

And _God_... How much he missed them.

His icy blue eyes were fixed somewhere in the dark space of his bedroom, he was hugging a pillow, thinking about it all. He just couldn't close his eyes, he couldn't sleep, and when he thought that at least he was doing fine at having a time for his own, he heard Sarah's voice.

"_Nick_... Nick." The soft voice calling him from near the window, the blond had to turn around on his bed, and see if it was really her. "You're dreaming Nick, but it doesn't mean this isn't real."

"...Sarah?" He said, he couldn't believe she was there again. And why those words made him remember of Jimmy in the last dream he had? Nick was speechless for a moment, lost in time, just seeing her getting close to him, approaching the bed, slowly, smiling. She looked so tender, so beautiful. God, how he missed her.

"I'm not your wife, Nick," she said. "I'm an Angel."

"An Angel?" Nick obviously thought it really had to be a joke. Now he was thinking of seeing Angels, just like Jimmy months ago.

"My name is Lucifer." Lucifer let him know then, finally introducing himself. And obviously that at the sound of that name, Nick thought it was even a worse joke, a weird dream caused by drinking so much lately.

"Sure... Naturally." He had to take it with some humour. "Um... Could you do me a favor there, Satan, and remind me to quit drinking before I go to bed?"

"I'm here because you're special, Nick. There's very, very few people like you." And he wasn't lying. After all, Nick was special on his own.

"Is that so?"

"You're a vessel, a very powerful vessel."

"Meaning what, exactly?" The man obviously wanted answers. Even when he still believes that all of this is just a dream.

"I need to take control of your mind and your body." Lucifer narrowed his eyes in the image of Sarah. "To be honest, it'll probably be unpleasant for you. But it is necessary." It would be unpleasant for him, but Nick needed to know the truth.

At this point, Nick was starting to get a little bit scared. He just wanted to get up, and also let Lucifer know about it. But Lucifer said to him, again, that it wasn't a dream, that it was _real_. He tried to encourage him to invite him _in_, not to be afraid, that in the end, it was Nick's choice. And obviously, the logical answer to that, even if it was real, was _No_, so... "Even if this is real, which it's not, but assuming it was...why the hell would I do something like that?"

"You people misunderstand me. You call me '_Satan_' and '_Devil_', but... Do you know my crime?" Lucifer looked deeply into the blond's eyes. "I loved God _too_ much. And for that, he betrayed me, punished me. Just as he's punished you. After all, how could God stand idly by while that man broke into your home and butchered your family in their beds? There are only two rational answers, Nick, either he's sadistic, or he simply doesn't care." Lucifer sees Nick trying not to look at the image of Sarah in him, and Lucifer obviously noticed Nick's anger. "You're angry. You have every right to be angry. I am angry, too. That's why I want to find him, hold him accountable for his actions. Just because he created us doesn't mean he can toy with us, like playthings."

Nick interrupted Lucifer then, "If I help you...can you bring back my family?" He looked back at her, a tear making its way down the blond's cheek. If he couldn't have Jimmy, since he left by his own will, maybe he could try to get his family back. He needed his family as well. Nick can see Lucifer expressing some sorrow, narrowing his eyes, the image of Sarah denied to him.

"I'm sorry. I can't." Lucifer said, after all, the souls from Nick's family were in Heaven, just as Castiel told him before. He just couldn't go there to get their souls back. If they were in Hell, or in Earth, now things could have ended differently. "But I can give you the next best thing. God did this to you, Nick. And I can give you justice. Peace," he said. Nick asked Lucifer how could he know he was telling him the truth, to which Lucifer said, honestly, "Because, contrary to popular belief, I don't lie. I don't need to. What I need...is you." Still, he can see Nick's doubts in his face, in his soul. Lucifer thought that he needed to push forward, and practically _begged_. "Nick, I need you to say Yes."

Nick thought in that moment about all of it, about Jimmy, Sarah, his son, and obviously about his anger towards God. Something was true, how could God let his family die just like that? He knows the world wasn't all sunshine and rainbows but... But his little baby too? How? How could he let that happen? Who was sick and bastard enough to kill a baby in his sleep? Nick was furious, he hated it. So even if Lucifer was lying, that didn't mean he _wasn't_ pissed at God.

In a polite way he let God know how much he hated him, how much he despised the fact of picking him up, from all the people, to use him as a plaything, just as Lucifer said. Sympathy for the Devil? Oh, you bet.

His polite way came out with two simple words. A clearly disguised 'Screw You, God.', with:

"Then _Yes_."

The high-pitched screech of Angel speech. White light flared from all the upper windows of Nick's house, and Lucifer was now inside his plan B vessel. He had Nick, he could finally walk the Earth as he wanted in the meanwhile.

The blond couldn't feel a damn thing after that. Lucifer was too overwhelming, and his soul felt wrapped in _cold_ grace. It was unpleasant alright, having to deal with the Devil inside him, but the grace at least, it made him feel at _peace_ for once, after all these months of suffering.

He just didn't care anymore, there was no turning back. And this was probably the _end_ for him as well.

The blond closed his eyes to rest within his own body, body that now belonged to Lucifer, and there, even if for a slight moment, he _smiled_...

A female voice,  
a happy laughter.

A baby's chuckle,  
echoing in his mind.

Hands holding together,  
warm lips brushing a temple.

An embrace,  
and then a smile... as he was gazing down.

All was again surrounded in that pure white, he couldn't see anything, but still could hear...  
_

_Are you going to be alright, Nick?_

_... I'm still alive, aren't I? The only reason why I haven't ate a bullet yet, it's because of you._

_You are blaming me for your life? Have you gone completely mad? That's it. Where's the gun?_

_Stop that, Jimmy._

_I can't believe you were about to kill yourself if I hadn't show up.  
__

_Nick... you're not gonna... pin me down after I kiss you and ignore my question again, will you? _

_I'm afraid you will end up leaving me behind soon...  
__

_Whatever was the case, maybe it could be a good thing, I can bet I'm making your life even harder. Having you to deal with me like this? It doesn't bother you?!_

_I know I don't have an obligation to care about your sorry ass. But I care about YOU anyway, I can't just... stop, I don't want you to die, I'm here to help you, but it pains me to see you don't care about my help in the first place.  
__

_[Do you miss me?]_

_[Idiot. Of course I do]_

_[How much?]_

_[I'm not going to stroke your ego, Nick. I'll leave it to your imagination.]_

_[... I miss you a lot. You should let a few songs play in the radio, and get yourself inside the bathroom. I want to call you.]_

_[Alright, you can call me now.]  
__

_Nick, open this door! Now! I swear to God, if you don't open this door... you'll never see me again!_

_You talk as if you really thought for a moment in not wanting to leave me behind...  
__

_There. Will you call me later, right?_

_Sure. I did promise drinks were on me this time.  
__

_Sorry I'm so messed up._

_Sometimes I fear that someday... I'll end up losing you. I'm trying to change, I just... _

_Nick, hey... I love you... and if I ever left, it wouldn't be because I didn't love you, okay?  
__

_It's unbelievable, Jimmy... What am i supposed to do now?_

_You're supposed to grief. And then... you're supposed to move on and find new meaning in life._

_... All I have left is you now, Jimmy. _

_And I'll always be here for you.  
__

_[That was hilarious, dude.]_

_[You were listening? Well, now that's embarrassing. I'm a softie for old ladies and recipes, what can I say]_

_[Seems to me you're the old ladies's bitch LOL. It was fun. It made me laugh. I should tune in your program more often]  
__

_I heard you breaking stuff, Nick, what the hell? Did you really think I was gonna turn around and leave? I'm your friend! _

_You shouldn't be here, Jimmy._

_Friends are for the good and the bad moments, so... I'm sorry, but you're not getting rid of me that easily.  
__

_... Stay for tonight. Tell your wife you found me with the gun._

_What? I think...that would only worry her even more, i mean..you, me and a gun in the same house?_

_But you can say that you just found me with it, and you made me snap out of it. You can also say that you took the gun and throw it away.  
__

_Are you ok keeping secrets or...? _

_I think... I could?_

_I'm gonna kidnap you and Claire, and take the three of us far, far away. Amelia can come and visit us sometimes, once a year should be enough._

_Right... And then we'd all go to hell. Clever. _

_I can make a deal with the Devil_

_Don't say those things. I know you're not a believer, but... the Devil.. he, it's very real. Don't joke about making deals with him._

_C'mon, Jim... It's just a joke anyway.  
__

_Let's stay here forever, Nick  
_

_Yeah... I like the idea._

He smiled with some... _Nostalgy_.

* * *

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Final Notes:**

The memories at the end are actual quotes from [_Renezinha_] and me, in our roleplays 3  
Cookie for the ones who noticed Lucifer in disguise as Jimmy in Nick's dreams xD

Sooo... there. I'm done for now!

Thanks for reading~


End file.
